Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I just hid my diabetes

I just hid my diabetes.

I have never, ever done this in my life, and it feels awful! 

You see I am on the bus home, in a gridlock (natch) and I feel a little low with a 40min ahead. I looked around and I hid my test kit in my purse and tested a 4.3.  

I discreetly emptied a few glucose tabs in my hand and ate them all at once while staring out the window.

Why did I do this today?

Because of the looks I get. Normally I can handle them and brush them off, but today has been exceptionally difficult in terms of taking an emotional beating at work. I just feel if one person gave me the "of course you have diabetes, you're fat"  look I would break down and sob.

I know it's not true, and most of the time I use times like that to educate, but not today. Sorry, pals. More education next time, when I am a little tougher.


8 comments:

  1. I've done it. There are times when I just don't want to talk about it. So, I don't.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've done it too, Alanna. I've also passed up opportunities to educate and advocate just because I plain didn't have the energy at that moment.

    Nothing to be ashamed of, friend.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sometimes you just don't want the stares or the questions and its understandable. My Amy is only 7 and lately she's been wrapping her shirt down and around her pump because she doesn't want anyone to see it because she doesn't want them to ask her what its for. I've told her that she doesn't have to be embarrassed, and she says she isn't, she just doesn't want to answer questions.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Really? You've never done that before? I most certainly have. On buses or trains, in libraries or movie theaters... all of it. Sometimes I don't want to educate, be bothered, or get stared at. I just want to get home, or get through whatever it is I'm doing without incident or attention. Nothing wrong with that...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think we all have had these times where we have to keep it to ourselves and not let the world around us in. And that's okay, it doesn't make you any less strong. I think that instead, taking a break and keeping it to yourself, it will make you that much tougher the next time you do have an opportunity to educate someone, and maybe that someone will be someone who really needs it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've done it many times and for the exact same reason. I know the looks you're talking about and in a normal day you can brush them off. They still suck though.

    ReplyDelete
  7. For what it's worth, I see what you described as doing what you need to do, how you need to do it, when you need to do it. No shame in that.

    And isn't it nice that you have this space where you don't have to hide it at all? We only see you here as cool and inspirational.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I've done that too. Sometimes you just don't want to talk about it or explain it or think that you have to tell your whole story. And that's totally okay. Don't feel bad!

    ReplyDelete