Friday, April 12, 2013

Slowly, slowly

"O snail
Climb Mount Fuji,
But slowly, slowly!" 
- Kobayashi Issa

Image from here
When Kabayashi Issa wrote that haiku, he captured the changes we have to make to our lives to improve them all on our own. Everyone knows that making massive, life-altering changes just don't work. We have to slowly incorporate small, lifestyle changes so we don't shock our systems into a downward spiral of feeling like a failure.

So as I sit here with my bruised finger tips and blood stained hands (literally, I have checked that many times that the blood has sort of stained my fingers.) I wonder why, when I have been making so many positive, that my body decides to just throw me a curve ball.

Dearest body, I am trying to love you more. I am trying to care for you, and treat you like you deserve. I am trying to nourish you the best way possible with fruit, vegetables, minimal processed shit, less blood sugar fluctuations, more water. Less saturates fat more healthy fat, less carbs more protein. The list goes on. If I am "supposed" to do it, I am. I am exercising more, I am caring more, I am trying to love myself and my body.

But dammit. 

I had a hang of things. My Dexcom charts were in range for days on end. But something happened, night times became out of control. I am talking blood sugars between 14-20 while I need to be sleeping. Even thinking about ANY carbs and my sugar sky rockets. I correct with my normal correction factor which worked perfect before, and nothing.

Slowly, slowly I up my basals and play with my corrections, and slowly, slowly I consider turning around to have a seat at the bottom of the mountain. I am exhausted from slowly, slowly.

"Oh snail! 
Take me with you
On your shell
For I am tired, and feel like hell"
-me. just now.

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