I have had a few decent-ish days D-wise. Sugars are relatively in range. My only high spike is again where I changed my infusion set. I tried the tip of leaving my older one in for four hours to ensure all insulin/basal/boluses were absorbed, but alas the new site still took forever to start absorbing correctly. I don't feel good when my sugar is up around 14.0/252. Some people might not feel that at all, and that's ok too, but for me the feeling is awful.
So what happens emotionally when my sugar is out of range? I feel even worse, like I am failing at something I am supposed to be really, really good at. When my sugar is above 8.0 or below 4.5 I feel like something I did was wrong. I feel guilt, I feel shame, I feel sadness, I feel angry. It doesn't happen often but sometimes I think: "Why me?"
Why was I the one to have to deal with this crap day-in and day out? There are so many people out there who do bad things and are bad, mean-spirited people. I don't necessarily think that anyone deserves to struggle with a chronic illness, but I catch myself sometimes thinking: why not them? Then I feel guilty for even thinking that! So I am guilty over failing myself because of my numbers and then I feel guilty for thinking someone else should have to deal with this and not me. It can be a vicious circle.
So, in times like that in the past I have vented to friends or my partner. But these days I am reading blogs/reaching out on twitter to people like me. I can't really list them all here, in fact that is another post for another day but people like: Kerri , Kim, Scott, Mike, Stacey and SO MANY MORE (believe me if you aren't listed here: I still read your blog, I just had those off the top of my head!) are writing every day about stuff that I am dealing with too.